


My Little Shepard

by HinaSaku



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Big Brothers, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Humor, Mentioned Romance, Mischief, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-03 03:50:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10235246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HinaSaku/pseuds/HinaSaku
Summary: While fighting the collectors, Shepard gets knocked out and caught. After getting him back, they're surprised to find out that the commander has turned into a child. Until they can find out how to turn him back, they have to look after him.





	1. Chapter 1

Miranda Lawson had never been so pissed in her life. How did she go from restoring the commander from a corpse into taking care of a smaller version of him? It all started when they were investigating the site of another location of where the collectors were attacking. Shepard had gone off with Miranda and Jacob only to get separated from each other. They managed to get on the collector ship, searching high and low for their missing commander. They found a pod with him it, but couldn't get inside. After being it back to the ship, they got the surprise of a lifetime inside. Inside of an adult Shepard, they got a much younger version of him.

Miranda didn't know what to do about it, so of course she had Mordin looking into it. In the meantime the Illusive Man told her to look after him while Mordin and other Cerberus scientists looked into it. Of course beneath her cocky exterior and telling him it wouldn't be a problem, she was panicking underneath. This wasn't like the days when she had briefly taken care of Oriana before giving her a new home. This a wasn't a baby. This was a child that she couldn't just soothe with a bottle or a rocker or just holding him. This was a whole other ball park. She could give it a try. Hopefully Shepard would be well behaved child.

Miranda frowned. Perhaps she hadn't jinxed herself. She walked inside of the lab where little Shepard was getting blood drawn. Once she had gotten inside, he came over to her and held out a finger. "Elmo!"

"Yes I see." said Miranda. Why was he showing her this?

"I'm hungry!" said Shepard.

"We'll eat later." said Miranda. "We need to go introduce you to the rest of the crew. Well reintroduce you."

Miranda didn't see a reason to hide the fact that their commander was now a child. Besides, she couldn't just hold him in a room all day like a caged animal. Besides she couldn't have the people he brought on the ship to become suspicious about the commander's disappearance. And there was also the fact that they needed people to help out with the collectors and couldn't risk losing most of Shepard's team. Also, Tali would probably throw a fit if she found out her boyfriend went missing.

Shepard stumped his foot. "No!"

"What do you mean no?"

"No! I'm hungry!" Shepard crossed his arms.

"It won't take long, so..."

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" he began throwing a tantrum, much to the annoyance of Mordin and Miranda. He sent her a just feed him already so I can work' look. "I WANNA EAT!"

"Fine. Just a quick snack." sighed Miranda. Shepard got off the floor looking pleased. "Okay what do you want?"

"I want...oh! I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" said Shepard. "And some orange juice."

"That sounds fine." Shepard sat down at the table that was nearby the kitchen and patiently wanted for his sandwich. In no time at all, Miranda had come back with his food. "There you are."

He just stared at the plate and scowled. He shoved it away. "What's wrong?"

He made a noise of annoyance. "Cut it!"

"Right." Miranda grabbed a knife and cut it diagonally. "There. Now eat up."

He huffed. Miranda sighed. "What now?"

"Wrong shape!" He pushed it away. She started to cut it across and Shepard threw a fit. "No! No! Wrong!"

"A sandwich is still a sandwich! Just eat it!" Miranda was getting frustrated. She'd never seen anyone get so upset over how a sandwich was made or cut. Who knew Shepard was so picky with how something as simple as a PBJ sandwich was presented to him.

"NO!" He started crying beating on the table. "I DON'T WANT IT!"

"Fine! I'll just ask for another...don't throw your cup!" Miranda snapped as Shepard picked up his cup ready to throw it. Miranda quickly asked for another one so Shepard would stop crying. Once she set it down she cut it into four squares. Shepard stopped crying and looked down at it. "What now?"

"Crust."

"Fine!" She carefully peeled off the crust. Shepard dusted off his bread and ate a piece. "Happy now?"

He nodded in reply and munched down on his food. While eating up his food, one of the members of the ship came up to Miranda. By the time the conversation was over, when she turned around, Shepard was gone.

"Where did he go?" Miranda looked under the table. "Great he's run off. EDI, can you locate Commander Shepard for me?"

"He's in the medical ward." said EDI.

"Good he didn't go too far." she went inside and found the little boy playing in bandages while Dr. Chakwas was tied up with the bandages and some medical tape was around her mouth. "Shepard!"

"Hey!" Shepard waved at her before placing the bandages back on the table. "We're playing!"

"I bet you are." Miranda said as she took the tape off the doctor's mouth. "Are you okay, Dr. Chakwas?"

"Thank god you've found me!" gasped the doctor once she was free. "Those bandages were too tight."

"You were fine." said Shepard.

"You're not the doctor here, Shepard." said Miranda glaring at him.

"Shepard? You mean..."

"Yes. Shepard got turned into a child by the collectors." sighed Miranda. "We're working on a way to turn him back. Hopefully he won't be too much trouble though so far he's proved otherwise."

"I see. Well best of luck. To all of us."

"Okay Shepard, time to...damn it. He's gone again. EDI?" EDI then informed her that the little terror had gone down to the level with Grunt, Zaeed, and Jack. Miranda took off for the stairs.

There was no telling what would happen to Shepard down there. Jack was crazy and easy to irritate. There was no telling how she would react to a child. As for Grunt, well she wasn't too sure about him either. He was a krogan. She wasn't sure which one she'd prefer him running into. Hopefully he'd wonder around where Tali or Zaeed were. 

As soon as she had gotten there, she saw Shepard looking down the stairs. "Shepard! There you are! Come here!"

The little boy looked up, grinned, and went down anyways. Miranda ran after him, but winded up on her back as Shepard made her tumble down the stairs. Jack, who had been busy looking through Cerberus files, looked up and burst out laughing. Miranda glared at her as Shepard came downstairs.

"Are you okay?" asked Shepard.

"I'm fine considering you tripped me."

"Poor baby." he kissed her forehead.

"Don't butter me up." she sighed. "Jack this is Shepard."

"Shepard had kid?" asked Jack looking over at the raven as he began poking Miranda.

"No he got turned into one...stop poking me!"

"No." He poked her again. "I'm bored, see ya!"

"No wait come here!" Shepard ran past Jack and then came back. "You're pretty."

"Uh thanks."

"But you're also bald. Grow some hair baldy." Shepard ran off. Miranda snickered.

"Shut the hell up. At least I'm not laying on my back. Then again you must be used to it whoring yourself out for Cerberus."

Miranda got up and searched once more for Shepard. He wasn't with Grunt and he had peeked in on Zaeed, but scooted off. She went off to go see Samara next since EDI informed her he had gotten on that floor. Shepard was staring at the blue woman.

"Why are you blue?" asked he poking her arm.

"Shepard!" She scooted him up. "He wasn't bothering you was he?"

"Not really." said Samara.

"This is Shepard." said Miranda as he squirmed in her arms. "Collectors turned him into a kid again."

"I was wondering for a moment if Shepard had offspring or perhaps a younger brother." said Samara. "If you need any help, I'm here."

"Thanks, but I have things under control." Miranda was lying out of her ass and Samara could see bull shit from a mile away.

"If you say so." She went back to meditating.

"Now for...OW!" Miranda dropped Shepard as soon as she walked mere inches away from where Samara was sitting. Shepard rolled and ran towards where Garrus was. Miranda studied her bite mark. Shepard had sunk his little teeth deep inside of her arm, penetrating just a little of her arm. "Thank goodness he doesn't have rabies or something."

Suddenly there was a loud scream and Shepard came running towards her. He grabbed her leg. "Randa! Randa!"

"What's wrong with you now?" she asked. She looked down at the little boy. He looked screamed. What had he seen?

"Dinosaur!" he whimpered, shaking as he held her leg.

"Dinosaur? You mean Garrus?"

"I want my mommy!" Shepard started crying. Well crap. Miranda didn't know how to explain to him that his mother was long gone. She instead picked him up and comforted him. "There there, I won't let the dinosaur get you."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Now let's get you to bed. You've been running all over the place today."

"Okay." After giving Shepard a bath, in which Shepard didn't hesitate to do at all since Shepard had his favorite bath soap in his bathroom, she put on one of Shepard's t-shirts on him and the little boy hopped into bed.

"Alright, night Shepard."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Read me a story."

"Uh, I guess." Miranda searched for a few children's stories and began reading one. After a while Shepard fell asleep. Once he had, Miranda was about to leave when Shepard's lamp flashed on.

"Wait!"

"What now? I thought..."

"You thought wrong! Check for monsters!"

"Monster aren't..."

"CHECK!"

"Fine if it'll make you sleep faster." Miranda checked everywhere for 'monsters' before notifying him there were none. Shepard looked pleased.

"Night, night!"

"Alright good-night."

Miranda sighed in relief. She'd better have better luck with him tomorrow. The faster Mordin came up with a solution, the better.


	2. Chapter 2

Miranda was sleeping soundly in her sleep when she felt something heavy jump on her stomach and knocked the wind out of her. She woke up quickly and looked around frantically. She frowned when she saw who had jumped on her. It was none other than Shepard.

"Hey, Randa." he grinned at her.

"Shepard, how on earth did you..." She began as she rubbed her eyes.

"John. My name is John!"

"John, how did you get in here?"

"I let myself in." He got off of her. "I'm hungry."

"Well go wake up Rupert and make him cook you something. I think he's about to wake up in..." she looked over at her alarm clock. "Shepard, it's 5:25 in the morning. I'm sure you can wait 30 minutes."

"NO! I WANT FOOD!" he stumped his foot. "I want pancakes!"

"EDI, tell Rupert to get up and cook Shepard something." said Miranda flopping over in her bed. "I'm tired."

"Who's Rupert?" asked Shepard. "I don't know who that is!"

"Just go." She waved him away.

"Old woman!" he huffed before jumping on her again. "GET UP!"

"Shepard, I should just...!" she took a deep breath and told him to leave while she changed. Shepard just stood there, turned around, and covered up his eyes. Miranda glared at him and then sighed. She put on a robe and walked him into the kitchen area to wait for Rupert.

Rupert was talking shit, angry about being woken up during a wonderful, erotic dream he was having. Shepard just looked at him before turning to the woman. "I don't want that old man touching my food! He looks like he doesn't wash his hands and likes to scratch his booty-hole for fun!"

"Who's brat is this?" Rupert didn't take to kindly to being insulted especially by a child. What was a child doing aboard the ship anyways?

"This is Commander Shepard. The collectors caught him and turned him into a child." explained Miranda. "He might be this way for a while."

"I'm hungry, mister!" piped up John. "I want some pancakes! Make me some! Uh please?"

"You could have waited 30 minutes." said Rupert. He wanted to get a few more minutes of sleep before he actually got into the kitchen the cook. If it wasn't an emergency, he didn't care how the little commander felt. The little bastard could have waited like everyone else had to. If not, Miranda could have cooked something up for him.

"I always eat this early!" said Shepard.

"Well I don't!"

"Just make Shepard breakfast." said Miranda yawning. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my room getting back some lost sleep."

"Lucky." he mumbled as he started washing his hands.

Shepard ran after his now guardian and clung to her robe. "Don't go! What if he tries to touch me?!"

"Get real, kid." said Rupert rolling his eyes.

"He won't touch you, I promise." said Miranda. "I'm right over there if you need me and EDI'll tell me if you can't get to me."

"Promise you'll get up?"

"I promise."

Once Miranda left, Shepard watched Rupert at work. Once he was done, he tried to leave to get in some more sleep when he was stopped by Shepard. "What?"

"You dummy! You forgot the chocolate chips and blueberries!" said Shepard picking up one of the pancakes with a disgusted look on his face. "I don't like plain pancakes! Start over!"

"What? There are perfectly good pancakes!" he was insulted. There were starving kids out there who would kill for that food and he was bitching over it not having a couple of unnecessary ingredients! The little brat should be more appreciative! After all he got out of bed early just to cook for the little worm.

He picked up the plate and dropped it on the floor. He then put his foot on the pancakes and spit on them. "Start over, BITCH."

"You little...fine! I'll start over your majesty! I'm only doing it because it ain't comin' out of my pocket!" he felt like strangling the little shit already. He went back to work with Shepard's eyes on him. Every now and then the little boy would throw in his two cents and criticize the cook more times than he could count. He ended up burning more pancakes than he'd ever had when he first started cooking.

"There! Happy now?" He yelled as he sat down a plate in front of the kid.

"No. I want a puppy, bunny, elephant, buffalo, kitty, muffin, a slice of cheese, deer, a man deer, octipus..." He listed.

"First off it's octopus, not octipus. Second, a slice of cheese and muffin aren't animals. Third, why didn't you say that before?"

"I did. You weren't listening!" said Shepard.

"Fucker." he mumbled.

"Ooooooooooooh! You said a bad word!" the little boy said with a shocked look on his face. "My mommy says you should curse!"

"Well I'm not your mother, so I don't give a fuck." And didn't he cuss quite some time ago?

"You're a mean old man!" he took the plate and tossed it in the trash along with the food. "For that, START OVER! YOU TAINTED THEM WITH YOUR BAD WORDS!"

"You mother fucker!"

"I'mma tell Randa on you!" he scooted off.

"Fine! I'll cook your damn pancakes AGAIN!" He snapped. 'What a waste of food!'

It took a while, but Rupert perfected the shapes Shepard wanted after multiple tries. By that time, Rupert was disappointed to find that it was nearly time for crew breakfast. FUCK. He had run out of ingredients and time, so everybody else had to eat oatmeal until he could get more supplies. Shepard ate only 2 before announcing he was full. Rupert's eye twitched. "I spent all that time, blood, sweat, and tears and putting up with your bullshit just for you tell me you're full off of two!?"

"Yep. I..." He began

"YOU'RE EATING THOSE DAMN THINGS RIGHT FUCKING NOW, KID!" He yelled at the boy as he grabbed him.

"No! I'm full!" Shepard tried to pull away but Rupert had a strong grip. If he didn't let go of him soon, he was going to bruise the kid.

"YOU FUCKER!" He tried shoving the pancakes into the little boy's mouth. "EAT YOU DEMON CHILD EAT!"

"N-NO!" He tried pushing him away. "I don't wanna! Leave me alone!"

"EAT!"

"HELP! HE'S CRAZY!"

"Rupert! What the hell are you doing to that kid!?" asked one of the female crew members. A small crowd of the crew was beginning to gather at the noise. None of them had ever seen the man so pissed before. It was kinda scary.

"No! Leave me alone!" he started crying. "I want my mommy and daddy!"

"Get off him man!" said a male crew member. "He's just a kid!"

"GO ON, EAT WHAT YOU MADE ME MAKE YOU!" The cook yelled at the top of his lungs. "EAT YOU BASTARD! EAT!"

"I wanna go home!" He cried.

"Dude, get off the kid! You're scaring him!" said another crew member as he placed a hand on his shoulder. "If he doesn't wanna eat, you can't..."

"THIS KID MADE ME SUFFER!" shouted Rupert slapping the soul out of the guy who tried pulling him off Shepard.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shepard started crying even harder. "I want my daddy!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU A DADDY! THIS SKILLET!" He went over and grabbed the skillet. Shepard fled into the arms of one of the female crew.

"Somebody go wake up Miss Lawson!" said someone in the small crowd that gathered and was growing larger due to Rupert's outburst.

"DON'T PROTECT HIM! HE NEED HIS ASS WHOOPED!"

"Alright, what's with the noise?" asked Miranda coming out of her room. Suddenly Rupert tried to hit Shepard but missed and hit the woman holding him. Shepard took off running for the elevator.

"Rupert, calm down!" said Miranda.

"NEVER! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT..." Miranda flung him against a nearby wall hard enough to knock him out.

"Restain him." said Miranda. As some of the crew members restrained him she gestured for the little boy to come over to her. Shepard tearfully came over to her and hugged her legs.

"R-rupert's a scary man!"

"What happened?"

"He was a meany face!" he sobbed. "H-he got mad because he can't cook!"

"There, there. He's gone now." she patted his back. "Did he hurt you?"

"He scared me." Shepard started crying harder. She patted his back and comforting the little boy. Shepard seemed so harmless and sweet in his current state. She felt so bad for him. Poor thing...


	3. Chapter 3

"Where are we going, Randa?" asked Shepard as he looked around as they passed by the multiple shops on the Citadel. Having grown up on a colony, Shepard had never been on the Citadel before and was interested in the different places and alien races that surrounded him.

"We're getting you some clothes. We can't just have you running around in nothing but a shirt." said Miranda. "We should also pick you up some toys."

"TOYS!? I WANT TOYS!" Shepard was jumping up and down. "I want a..."

"Quiet, John." said Miranda putting her finger to her lips. "Use your inside voice."

"I DON'T WANNA! I WANNA GO HOME!" said a young asari around Shepard's age.

"Dear, please settle down." The asari's human father said trying to shush her. "We just need to go into one more store and..."

"I DON'T WANNA!"

"Drake, please do something!" his wife said looking tired.

"We'll go for ice cream!" he said. She looked up at him tearfully.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Shepard looked up at Miranda. "Don't even try it. We're on a busy schedule. I'll take you later or have someone..."

"I suggest you give me some right now or else..."

"Are you threatening me?"

"I bet I could scream louder than her." said Shepard with a serious expression on his face.

"You wouldn't..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shepard screamed. Everyone nearby covered up their ears, trying not to go deaf from the little boy's shrieking.

"Okay, we'll get you some ice cream...right after you put some proper clothes on." said Miranda.

"Okay."

Miranda rolled her eyes and took into a children's clothing store. Unlike some children who had their parents shopping for them, Shepard knew what he wanted. This made her job a lot easier. Shepard chose what he wanted, changed into one of his outfits, and got some shoes.

"Okay, now for the toys..."

"Ice cream first." said Shepard.

"Right." With how fast Shepard got his clothes and shoes, there was some time for something to eat.

Shepard got chocolate while Miranda got vanilla. Shepard neatly ate his ice cream which was kind of odd to Miranda. Most kids were pretty messy with ice cream at his age. Thank goodness though. She didn't want him ruining his new clothes already. Next she took him to get some toys to preoccupy the little boy. Miranda looked around a bit with Shepard running off to find what he liked. When she found him, he had gathered up a cart full of dinosaur toys, cars, clay, paint, coloring crayons, markers, finger paint, coloring books, building blocks, action figures, and 2 dolls.

'Hm, I never knew Shepard liked dinosaurs. Then again turians and krogans do look like them.' said Miranda looking through the toys. She picked up the two dolls Shepard had gotten. "John, I think you picked up the wrong things."

"They're necessary." said Shepard grinning. "I'mma have them be sacrifices."

"I have a feeling I don't want to know why." said Miranda.

"To my dinosaurs! That's why I got these too!" Shepard took out some buff soldier toys. "They've got more meat!"

"Oh boy." Miranda shook her head. "Come on. Let's get to the check out and..."

"What's this?" asked the little boy picking up one of the boxes that Miranda had placed in the cart. "A clock?"

"Yes. It'll help you tell time. And this one will help you count and this one will teach you your ABCs and..."

"You got school toys?!" Shepard scowled. "My teacher has some of these in her classroom!"

"They'll help you learn." Shepard just placed the box into the cart.

After purchasing the toys, Miranda told Shepard it was time to head back to the Normandy. However the little boy was ready to go get some books. The woman looked at the time. Going to the book store sounded fine. They were ahead of schedule anyways. Besides, there was a book she had her eyes on the extranet. Perhaps they had it in there. Miranda looked through the shelf while Shepard scooted off. Shepard found a bunch of dinosaur books he liked.

He noticed a play area and placed the books on the side in a chair. Miranda would find him when she was ready. There was young asari there with an overweight man in a nearby chair sleeping and snoring. Shepard sat down next to her.

"Hi."

"Hi." she said stacking up the blocks she was playing with. "You wanna play?"

"Yeah!" said Shepard as he picked up a block and placed it on top of one of the blocks she had put down.

"'My name's Amanda. What's your name?"

"I'm John."

"Where's your mommy?"

"Somewhere." Shepard rubbed his chin. "My Auntie Randa is going to take care of me."

"I see...you're cute."

"C-cute?" Shepard stared at her. "Are you c-calling me...CUTE?"

"Maybe." she giggled.

"Girls have cooties!"

"I don't have cooties...I don't think..." Amanda tapped her chin. "You wanna be my boyfriend?"

"I think you're too young to have a boyfriend." said Shepard quickly. "I-I'm too young!"

"Arianna has one and so does Sofia, Gretchen, and..."

"I don't want a girlfriend!" said Shepard.

"You're gay then." she looked disgusted.

"I am very happy, thank you." said Shepard getting up and grabbing his books. "But uh I don't want a girlfriend. I'm only..."

"Come on. You shouldn't be ashamed to have a girlfriend." she stroked his cheek. "I'll make a good wife..."

"Uh please don't touch me!" he slapped away her hand and rubbed his cheek using his yellow dinosaur sweater to wipe off his cheek. "You have cooties!"

"I don't!" she looked frustrated.

"Cooooootiiiiieeees!" John threw a block at her face.

"Ow!" she glared at him and threw a block at him.

The two of them engaged in block warfare, throwing blocks at each other. The young children continued throwing blocks at each other only stopping when John threw one at the fat man sleeping in his chair. He jumped and looked around. Amanda then burst out crying after her and Shepard exchanged looks. She ran over to the fat man.

"He was throwing blocks at me!" she sobbed in his arms.

"Who?"

"HIM!" she pointed at the little boy.

"What the heck do you think you're doing, boy?" asked the chubby man.

"She started it!"

"I'd ought to ring your neck for messing with my baby!" said the fat man.

"You couldn't ring my neck if you tried!" said the raven glaring at the man. "And at least I have a neck!"

He moved his neck around, showing off his neck in all its glory. The man turned red in the face. "You have a lot of nerve..."

"And you have a lot of nerve putting your fat butt in that chair!" said Shepard. "I'm surprised it hasn't broke yet underneath you!"

"You...you..."

"Frank, come on. I've got a recipe I wanna try out of this book!" said an asari coming over to him.

"This little punk was throwing blocks at our baby!"

"What?!"

"YOU WANNA GO OLD LADY!?" said Shepard block in hand.

"I'm only 145, thank you very much." said the asari. "And you're messing with my child! Where's your mother, you rude little boy?"

"Uh..." he threw the block at her and ran off with his books. He saw Miranda flipping through a book and grabbed her arm. "I wanna go now!"

"Just a..."

"NOW! WE GOTTA GO! I...I uh...oh! I gotta pee!" Shepard began dancing.

"Oh! Come on then." she lead Shepard to the check out counter. The young man at the counter was taking his sweet time, irritating Shepard.

"Hurry up! I gotta pee, you punk!" said Shepard.

"Shepard, don't be rude." said Miranda.

"I'm sorry." he apologized. He just wanted to leave before that asari and her fat ass husband found him. Finally they had gotten their purchase paid for just as the man peeked around the shelf and saw him. Shepard took off out of the store with Miranda yelling for him to come back. Shepard had run off until he reached the elevator. Once Miranda caught up to him, she lectured him on running off without her. After all, someone could kidnap him or worse.

"I have to pee though!" Miranda crossed her arms and tapped her foot with an irritated look on her face. "But I'm sorry though for running off."

"Do it again and you're getting a child leash next time." said Miranda grabbing his hand.

"Okay."

Once they got back to the Normandy, Shepard wanted to go play with his toys while Miranda wanted to tell the rest of the crew about Shepard, although they may have heard already. The little boy wasn't eager about being able to play, but the sooner he met these people the sooner he could play dinosaurs. First off was Joker. When Miranda introducedhim to child Shepard, Shepard had a strange look on his face.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Joker. "He looks like he just ate some bad candy or something."

"Cuz I just farted."

"Oh god! I smell it! Geez! What did you eat?!" Joker covered up his nose.

"Can I sit on your lap?"asked Shepard. "I wanna see you fly the ship!"

"Sorry. I've got brittle bones." said Joker.

"What does that mean?"

"He has fragile bones. They break easily."

"Oh! You poor baby." Shepard gave Joker a hug. "You want me to kiss your boo-boos all better?"

Before Joker could answer, Shepard kissed him on the cheek and asked him if he was all better. Miranda couldn't help but to smile. "Looks like he likes you."

"Can I back and see you?" asked Shepard.

"Yeah, sure if you want."

Once they left from the front, Miranda complimented Shepard on what he did was nice of him. Then Shepard ruined it. "I'mma cut his legs off and hold them hostage."

"Why would you say that?!"

"He wouldn't let me sit in his lap!"

"That's no reason to...never mind. Let's just get down to the lower part of the ship."

Once down on the lower part of the ship, Shepard ran off again going into the area where Ken, Gabby, and Tali were while Miranda was taking a call. As long as Shepard didn't run down where Jack or Grunt were, he'd be fine. However Tali had left the room, so it was only Ken and Gabby. Shepard grabbed Gabby's shirt and pulled.

"You ain't go no butt." said Shepard. "You got man hands too. Are you secretly a man? It's okay if you are!"

"Excuse me?" Ken laughed at Gabby. She glared at him.

"He's got you there! Hahaha!" he laughed.

"Well you've got hands like a woman!"

"You're just mad because he has a lot of girlfriends with his sexy voice!" said Shepard. "You don't have anybody because you're mean and ugly!"

"Who even are you?" asked Gabby.

"DEEZ NUTZ!" said Shepard.

"Got 'em!" said Ken.

"If I was a man, which I'm not, they'd be bigger than your's!" she snapped.

"Your chest is flatter than your back!" said Shepard.

"You little..."

"Sorry I took so long." said Miranda. "I had a call. Anyways, this is Commander Shepard. The collectors turned him into a child."

"For real?" said Ken looking surprised.

"Yes. We're working on a way to reverse it." explained Miranda. "Where's Tali?"

"She went off to Dr. Chakwas."

"Can we go back and see her?" asked Shepard.

"Not right now." said Miranda. "We've got to go see Grunt, then Garrus, and then we'll see her next."

"Okay. Bye man hands and womanizer!" said Shepard waving goodbye.

Miranda took the little boy to Grunt next with Shepard being intrigued by the krogan. Shepard wanted to pet Grunt's head. Shepard ran his small fingers over his hard, but smooth head. "Oh he's so cute, Miranda! Can he sleep in my room on my bed? I've always wanted a baby turtle!"

"Turtle?! I'm not a damn turtle!" said Grunt insulted. "I'm a krogan."

"You don't look like one." said Shepard. "Maybe you're a fake one! FAKER!"

"He's not as old as the one's we've seen on the Citadel." explained Miranda while Grunt glared at the little boy "He'll look like those when he gets older."

"How old are you, Grunt?"

"About 5 months."

"OH! He's a baby!" said Shepard.

"I'm not a baby! If anything, you're the baby!"

"You big baby! You want a bottle you big fat baby?!" said Shepard.

"Alright, that's enough John!" said Miranda quickly covering up the commander's mouth. "Let's not make him even madder."

"BABY!" shouted Shepard as Miranda dragged him away.


End file.
